Time Winds Down

Time in winding down for me to leave once again. this time the trip isn't for pleasure, its for business. which is good. if i get the job then its a great career opportunity for me! this is something i could spend the rest of my life doing if i decide it's what i want to do. but as time winds doen once again i start thinking about alot. who am i gonna meet? how long is it gonna take me to get there? whats gonna happen? where will i be working? and what kind of job will i be doing? hopefully its working with the same type of gear i worked with in the Marines. that will be great, that way i already know what to do. plus those same of feeling about deploying come back. start to get a little nervous and excited. i start thinking about when the next i'm going to see my family again. i feel like i am 20 years old again! then i start thinking about her. i have been thinking lately, we were so young, could it have really been love? Or maybe it was lust, or obsession? i don't know. it seems like so long ago but it always like it was yesterday, just like war. i think about her, yes, but at the same time i know not to contact her in anyway. her and i are done and over with, she is in the past and i've been able to put all feeling and emotions behind me. now, she just an ex. No matter what happened or how i felt about her, she's just an ex. however, relationships here and there have never equaled up to what i assume we had. the reason i say "assume" is cause i don't know for sure if she ever felt the same about me, the way i felt about her. but these are all just ghosts from my past. coming to rehaunt me before a big change (maybe) in my life. ghosts like so many other that haunt me and reside in my dreams. cause thats what my life is, a dream. its all so crazy! i've done so much and have seen so much that it feels like a dream. and i appreciate it more than anyone will ever know. i thank God for the love i had and lost. (its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all) i thank God for the places he allowed me to go and see. I thank him for my friends who are like brothers to me and have stood by my side in both the good times and the bad. i thank God for my life time of knowledge gained through experience in various events in my life. I thank God for the friends he allowed me to have for a short period of time who've made an impact on me, then left from my life. one day, i will sit down and write everything out. maybe i'll do that while i'm away. if i have time! there are alot of things i still need to get in order before i go, i'll be away for a while so i need to get this stuff done! i've already decided what books to take! thats one part. this is all happening so fast it's crazy! everything within a month and i'm gone. maybe i should have waited. Naw fuck that! the is the chance of a life time! and opportunity only knocks once!!!

Alone In The Wild

How long do you think you can survive alone in the wild? I was watching the last episode of this show called Alone In The Wild, where this dude was sent into the wild to see how long he could survive on his own. he made it 50 days out of 90 before he kinda lost it and called for help. I kinda know the feelings he went through. I always thought of myself as a loner and could survive alone in the wild for a while. 3 DAYS! 3 FUCKING DAYS, thats how long i last before i felt the need to see someone. Thank God Megan came along on the trail and brightened my day that day. i was already kinda losing it. talking to myself, refering to myself as we. I just thought that was interesting. Anyways, hopefully i get the job in Kosovo, Might be going to Austin next week for Rowland birthday, and maybe going to Northern Arizona in Decemberto hike in the mountains! thats gonna be awesome. in the mean time i think i might go hiking in Decatur for the weekend. if your interested in going let me know, or contact me!

Fear...

I've heard that it is fear that drives men. maybe it is, maybe it isn't, i don't really know for sure. Is it fear that drives me to do the things that i do. Fear of fading into obscurity, of being ordinary, of being like everyone else. I go for a walk every morning in the park, and as i walk i think about the things that i've done, the things i want to do and how i'm gonna do them. Basically, i think about my life, and i've come to a conclusion that the reason i seek out advanture and danger and to do the crazy things i do, is because i don't want to be ordinary, i want to do something unequivical, something out of the ordinary. To stand out of the crowd, to be someone unique and an individual. To not be like joe shmoe on the street. I might be talking out my ass here but i think the reason i do the things i do is because i am afraid of being ordinary, fading fading into the back ground of life. I think i'm afraid of being a spectator in life and history, instead of being a key player in it.

i miss the mountains

I took a walk in the park today, 5 miles. looking through the trees and hearing the birds and insects made me miss the mountains. I don't think its the trail i miss so much as it is the mountains. i miss the clean air, the view and the smell of fresh ground under the morning dew. the frost upon the bushes at high altitudes and the howl of the wind as the cold cuts through you like a knife. its great! i miss the Mountains

Whats Beyond The Horizion?

What do you see when you see the horizion? Some people see an unending expanse of land and don't care to see whats over there, or when driving see long hours of travel. I see an adventure into the unknown. When i see the horizion i have to know what beyond it. what people, what places and experiences? I miss it already and I want to go again. on the trail i would see a mountain and i knew i have to go over it. Sometimes i would dread the climb, but i wanted to see whats on the other side, so i climbed. I walked and walked endlessly and craved the knowledge of the other side. I loved being on top of it and crossing it. I loved to be able to see for miles ahead of me not knowing what lay in store. I want to go beyond the horizion again, see whats on the other side of the mountain. I miss it so much.

Another Attempt, Intrested?

If you crave action and adventure, love the outdoors, likes to meet new people and see new places, i have just the thing for you. The Pacific Crest Trail!!! April 3rd 2010 I am returning to the Pacific Crest Trail for another attempt to Complete the entire trail into Canada. Its 6 months of walking, meeting new people, sleeping under the stars, going to place only a select few have ever seen. More people have climbed Mount Everest than have completed the Entire trail. I am offering this opportunity now because of how much time is needed to prepare. I will help you select gear, train, pack, organize and all around prepare for what i call an Expedition North!! If you are intrested, or would like to know more about it, please contact me and i will be more than happy to give you any information you request!!!

The Call Of The Wind And The Wild

I'm off the trail. this time for good. i realized that there was no was i was gonna finish the trail this year and that i didn't plan and prepare enough as i thought i did. but it was a great learning experiance. I met so many great people that i'll never forget. I climbed mountains and overlooked cities, and the horizon for miles. i saw sunrises and sunsets from place no one can ever go to unless they climb up there on their own two feet. I had some awesome adventures dealing with snakes and streams and horses and hitchhiking and walking and being hungry and dirty and tired, but happy. I loved it so much and already miss it. although i didn't make it asfar as i would have liked to this year, i want to try again in the future, but this time i know what to expect, what gear to carry, what materials i need to prepare for it and to try to find someone to go with. Its lonely out there. which leads me to another thing, I learned so much about my own self that is was remarkable. the first thing i learned was that i am not a "loner" like i thought i was. John Dunne was right, no man is an island. its easy to call oneself a loner when you live in the city cause your never really alone. but once your in actual wilderness or alone on a mountain, it sucks. you want people to talk to, to make the time go by fast and just to have someone to take your mind off what your going through. also, i learned that not all people are bad in the world. living in dallas you get the feel that everyone cant be trusted. that everyone will fuck you over when they can. But what i learned on the trail was that not everyone is out to screw you over. most people are nice and willing to help you out when you need it. So many people, (strangers) helped me out when i needed it and offered me into their homes and gave me rides, i had to hitchhike and i thought no one would pick me up but they did! I learned to trust people more, that not every one it bad. I learned to take my time in life, if you try to go faster in life than you can walk, you'll miss the whole world as it passes you by. today as a matter of fact, i saw a bird catch, toy with and eat a grub, then i watched a tiny little worm wiggle his way into a hole in the ground, all because i like to sit outside sometimes. I learned to enjoy nature more. that nature isn't a bad place to be. i love to lay out in the grass under a tree and watch the sky, its a beautiful feeling. Its the simple things in life like that, that make it worth while. a nice piece of grass, a cold drink and place to lay my head is all i want in this life. Something else i learned, i don't need to kill every animal that crosses my path. leave the world alone and enjoy it as much as you can cause life is fleeting so way take it? Finally i learned that i need to get out of Dallas. I need to move away from everything i'm comfortable with and find a new place. I'm getting caught up in everything everyone else is doing and all the drama of the family and friends, i just keep going in circles here. I need to break out on my own and find and follow my own path. i dont want the "normal" life that everyone else i know has, i want my own exciting advernturous life. And to those who think i need to grow up, guess what, i am grown. just because i dont want the life you think is best for me, doesnt mean i'm immature. it just means i dont fit in to your little idea of what life is. that not for me, i need my own way. I need to get moving again, i want to travel and meet new people and lead a different life. the trail woke in me the urge to move constantly. everyday i didn't know where i was gonna be or where i was gonna sleep, but i knew i had to keep going. Even now as i write this i feel the urge, the call of the wind and the wild, beckoning me to hit the road again, to seek out places i've never seen before and meet all those people out there. travelers are always willing to help other travelers and thats the life i've led so far and want to continue to lead. I want to buy a motorcycle, or a small truck and hit the open road, traveling from place to place seeing the country i fought for, sleeping in tents and sleeping bags, waking up to cold mountian air, to lake water lapping, to see a beautiful night sky in some remote part of the country, and hear the coyotes calling in the distance. then driving aimlessly on back roads, and the highways and byways of our great land. anyways, i was able to gain a trail name out on the trail, I am Mcguyver. cause apperently i'm pretty ingenius!! Lol

Missing The Trail Already

So i've come home for a little while. But I want to be back out on the trail already. I miss it. i miss sleeping out underneath the night sky, i miss just being able to take my time everyday and see the world from above. I miss the freedom of being able to go where ever and do whatever i want. I'm gonna head back out to the trail as soon as i can. i love being at home and seeing my family but so bad i just want to head back out onto the trail. meeting new people learning about them, then there's the people who help you out so much on the trail even if their not hikers themselves (its called trail magic) I want to be back out there so bad. can't wait to head back!!!

Trail Magic

so we are at mile 111. i'm tired , my ankles hurt and my hiking parnter is sick. so far, i've wanted to quit seveal times, but people we've met have really brightened our spirits. they're constantly telling us about trail angels who help out along the trail and the people they meet and the things they do for the PCT hikers. I've successfully hitchhiked about 12 miles into a town. I lost my camp towl, and put a hole in my left sock liner. I've been able to drop a few pounds from my pack so its a little easier and i'm starting to find my groove. everytime i get off the trail for a few days i'm always wanting to get back on. but after like 12-16 miles of up and down hills and being on thousand foot ridges, i'm exhausted and just want to rest. Did i mention i was afraid of heights??? Who's plan was it to do this trail anyways? there have been moments that have made it worth while. Like meeting all the friendly people and those who help out and then coming up to the crest of a mountain or a hill and just looking at the valley floor below or the mountains in the distance. then yesterday, going through the hills and meeting the section a trail manager, and going through the poppy flower fields and Eagle rock. it was great. it makes it worth it sometimes. the section manager gave us a beer three miles before warner springs and it was in the 80's so that was a very bad idea. I was sweating so bad and felt dehydrated. but it was a cold beer he brought in on horse back and it did hit the spot for a second was i had been drinking warm water that we filtered and boiled that morning to make safe to drink. it hadn't cooled yet so it was still pretty warm and it was a hot day. stuck my fingers with a cactus, hurt like hell, but when your hiking through the desert thats bound to happen. people have left water caches to help the hikers which has been great. we're just trying to beat the rush of like 350 people who are gonna start April 25th at the Annual Day Zero Kick Off. if we stay ahead of them then there'll still be plenty of water and supplies along the way and we're not scrounging around for table scraps. the Annual Day Zero Kick Off or ADZKO is the official start of the PCT hiking season. plus we get to see all the wild flowers growing before they wither and die in the sun and we beat the heat in the desert. why people wait so long to start, i have no idea. But if it wasn't for trail angels and trail magic, this trip would be so hard! Thank God For Them!!

Die Old Habits, DIE!!!

So i met someone on the trail. she was hiking alone and so was i so we decided to hike together. Man its get lonely out there!! Anyways, i'm in Long Beach right now cause she got sick, so we hiked to the nearest major road and her mom came and picked us up to rest for a couple of days. I need to rethink my pack weight and some of the things i am carrying. She's gonna do the same. her family has been real nice and their great people. another hiker let us know that a little ways ahead theres snow on the trail and in the mountains so hopefully thats all melted by the time we get up there so we aren't forced to back track or hold up somewhere and wait it out. its been great so far. She;s really brightened my spirits and kept me going. There was a few times when i wanted to give up cause i got lonely and started thinking about the family and everyone. I would ask myself what i was doing there and why was i doing it. a few other hikers are on the trail and are trying to rush it to make it home. I think i'll be alright as long as i hike with someone who can hold a conversation as well as she does. It also turns out that there isn't as much distance between points as i thought there was gonna be, not yet at least, so i just gotta keep thinking about making it to the next point. A coyote came into our camp site the other night, or a least came close to it. Probably smelled our food, but didn't bother us. I think we're gonna try to hit up REI today to try to exchange some gear. Also need to rethink what food i want to carry cause noodles just ain't cutting it. Met a really cool guy from Montana, trail name "Hungry Montana", he gave me an idea about salami as a meal in which i dont have to cook when i'm tired. I don't have any blisters yet which is good, Megan (girl I'm hiking with) has given me so many ideas about how to hike and what i need and dont need and what to do when i rest. I'm just so used to the structured hikes of the Marines, old habits die hard i guess.

And The Band Goes Marching On....

In the morning i head back to the trail where i left off. I was gonna redo the portion that i had already done to start with the people from trail fest, but that is going on in Oregon this year so i won't be able to attend that. but on the brighter side, i got to see my friend graduate USMC boot camp! Which was great because none of his family went to go see him. I was there at the beginning of his career as a Marine. He was really excited to see me and i guess i made him feel better. My cousin rick gave us a ride to the airport then went back to work. i stayed with Da Kidd (aka PVT. Garcia, J.) until he had to go to his gate to board his plane. I bought him a 2nd Battalion coin, which was his battatlion, and bought him lunch at the airport. I hadn't been to a Marine Corps Graduation since my own 8 years ago. It was great, saw a whole bunch of other Marine, parents crying in pride, the Marine Corps Band, and a staff sgt get a Navy Achievement Medal (NAM). Hopefully i'll be up in the Camp Pendleton area by the time Da Kidd gets to SOI so i can maybe go party with him one weekend. I also thought since I'm already in california i can talk to some of my brothers from the Marines and we can have a reunion since we didn't have one last year. But that might be a ways off from now. Anyways, tomorrow i begin the trail again and head north, placing one foot in front of the other for miles and days at a time. Wish Me luck!!!

Restarting the Trail

Once again, in the spirit of the American, I head west. Heading back to california in the morning to re-start the trail. The only thing different this time is that i will not come home unless its an emergency. if i lose my phone, camera, or any other unnessecary item then i won't stop. I'll just keep going until i can get to a major city to replace it. I got the numbers of some of my friends in cali so i can get ahold of them when i get their areas. I'm excited again, but this time i'm a little more knowledgable about the trail, and how i should do things. I dropped some wieght from my pack, got another water botter that holds half a gallon of water, and made more space in my pack. so i should have a lighter better pack to hike with. Can't wait to once again see the sunset and sunrise over the mountains and lakes. I'll feel the chill of the morning air and hear the crisp sound of frost underfoot. hopefully everything goes well and i make it pretty far until my brother picks me up somewhere in northern California or Oregon. Wish me luck, again...

"Better Than A Lop-sided Mountian!!!"

well after a few days on the trail, i'm already home. Someone stole my phone, my compass, my camera, both trail guidebooks, my harmonica, my headlamp and flashlight, and my sunglasses. they stole a whole bag off the side of my pack. so i'll be home until trailfest begins next month when i'll have to start all over and attach myself to someone as far north as Warner Springs in order to continue on my own. So i have no phone! I did run into an illegal immigrant on the trail. once he saw me he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. he looked like he was about to run. he uttered something about his friends and turned around from the way he came. once i assured him i wasn't immigration he regarded me with suspicion, gave me a wide birth and walked around me. I did give him a piece of the beef jerky i was eating to at least put something in his stomach even if he did get caught and deported. I rolled my left ankle 3 times and my right one once. found a tick on me, ran into some border patrol who also regarded me with a suspicious eye and wished me luck. I didn't make it into the Hauser canyon and wilderness before nightfall so i had to sleep on the side of the trail on the mountain at a very wierd angle so i didn't get much sleep. I also had about 26 oz of water left when i went to sleep so the next morning, about 6 miles short of the next available water source, i rationed my water carefully to last me down the mountain, through the valley, up the next mountain, over it, and down the other side. By the time i got to Lake Mornea I was dehydrated and tired. I had planned on sleeping there but alas, someone decided to be a thief and ruin the whole adventure so far. I had to come home to replace a few lost items, but have no fear, I shall return and complete it!!! So tonight i have to sleep in my sister's bed while she sleeps in my moms bed with her. When i asked my mom if i have to sleep in Ana's bed, she said,"Yeah, but at least it's better than a lop-sided mountian!!!"

My Beloved, if this is all a dream, then i do not want to wake.

I can't believe i'm actually here! I'm actually in California already!! just a few short miles away from the beginning of an incredible journey. i already forgot how much i love san diego. I dont know why i feel so free here and so troubled at home. Maybe cause this is where i spent some of the best times with my fellow marines. I dont know. all i know is that Sunday morning i will start my 2657 mile hike toward Canada. Rick is gonna take me down to the trail head and drop me off so that i dont have to take the bus from the air port. this is fucking crazy!!! even if i dont finish or make it very far, i at least tired. and also it would give me the chance to go around the country visiting places i've always wanted to go. Basicially just rambling whereever the wind takes me. the freedom of the road! but thats only if i can't do the trail.

So Soon It Begins.....

In a matter of days i head west. Like millions of cowboys, families, adventurers, outlaws, cattlemen and lost spirits before me, i head out west to seek out advernture and a new beginning. to experience something that so few are willing to attempt. I will walk mountains and deserts. I will pass through forests and valleys. I will ford rivers and streams. sleeping in the open air of the wilderness and selling the fresh pine of the trees. already i long for it. I want it and can't wait to get out there. I have been away before so i know i have the strength to stay gone from my family before. this is a dream of mine and am glad i'm out trying it. My Beloved, if this is all a dream, then i do not want to wake.