Time Winds Down

Time in winding down for me to leave once again. this time the trip isn't for pleasure, its for business. which is good. if i get the job then its a great career opportunity for me! this is something i could spend the rest of my life doing if i decide it's what i want to do. but as time winds doen once again i start thinking about alot. who am i gonna meet? how long is it gonna take me to get there? whats gonna happen? where will i be working? and what kind of job will i be doing? hopefully its working with the same type of gear i worked with in the Marines. that will be great, that way i already know what to do. plus those same of feeling about deploying come back. start to get a little nervous and excited. i start thinking about when the next i'm going to see my family again. i feel like i am 20 years old again! then i start thinking about her. i have been thinking lately, we were so young, could it have really been love? Or maybe it was lust, or obsession? i don't know. it seems like so long ago but it always like it was yesterday, just like war. i think about her, yes, but at the same time i know not to contact her in anyway. her and i are done and over with, she is in the past and i've been able to put all feeling and emotions behind me. now, she just an ex. No matter what happened or how i felt about her, she's just an ex. however, relationships here and there have never equaled up to what i assume we had. the reason i say "assume" is cause i don't know for sure if she ever felt the same about me, the way i felt about her. but these are all just ghosts from my past. coming to rehaunt me before a big change (maybe) in my life. ghosts like so many other that haunt me and reside in my dreams. cause thats what my life is, a dream. its all so crazy! i've done so much and have seen so much that it feels like a dream. and i appreciate it more than anyone will ever know. i thank God for the love i had and lost. (its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all) i thank God for the places he allowed me to go and see. I thank him for my friends who are like brothers to me and have stood by my side in both the good times and the bad. i thank God for my life time of knowledge gained through experience in various events in my life. I thank God for the friends he allowed me to have for a short period of time who've made an impact on me, then left from my life. one day, i will sit down and write everything out. maybe i'll do that while i'm away. if i have time! there are alot of things i still need to get in order before i go, i'll be away for a while so i need to get this stuff done! i've already decided what books to take! thats one part. this is all happening so fast it's crazy! everything within a month and i'm gone. maybe i should have waited. Naw fuck that! the is the chance of a life time! and opportunity only knocks once!!!