Anticipation, Apprehension, Achievements and Attack!

Its been quite a few years since I've posted on this blog.  So I figured I mint as well start again.  I think the last time I wrote in this was in 2010, after I had come back from Iraq.  Well, heres to new beginnings and new blogs.  I have a bit of anticipation and apprehension about my next move.  I'm going to quit my job again and try to hike as much as I can on the Pacific Crest Trail again this year.  Really I have nothing better to do. I was trying to get in to the fire department But that fell thru. So with the end to that, its time to wander again. I think I have come to realize that I love to wander.  I am instilled with the westward spirit. Even if my my family doesn't like it. They want me to settle and marry and start reproducing.  Get a 9 to five job and work the rest of my life even though i don't feel that i am ready.  I am now 31 years old but that makes no difference.  Its society's agenda that we should marry young, get a job and start having kids.  But at the moment thats not for me.  I have only been to about 14 or 15 countries in a world of over 250!  I have barely made a dent!  I have on the other hand been to 46 of the 50 United States. I have sailed the Pacific Ocean and seen far away lands and people.  I have seen the stars over the ocean, shining brightly enough over the water to make it almost seem like dawn.  I have seen the Milky Way spread across the sky in a line that could be seen as far as the eye could see.  I have witnessed a 22 hour day in Northern Alaska and Canada.  I have been in the Northern Yukon and seen bears as large as cars.  I have sailed the Panama Canal and the Atlantic Ocean along the Eastern seaboard.  This world is too big to sit at home and work in an office or a shitty job day in and day out for the rest of my life.  I do not feel my adventuring days are over.  On the contrary, they have only just begun!  There is a saying "You are not out the fight until the fight is out of you".  Well I am not out of the fight yet.  so my next plan of attack is to try the PCT again.  I know that I won't finish it.  I have already understood that.  My goal is just to ride out the summer hiking and being free.  If I make it to the end, then so be it.  other wise just keep going until the season ends.  Or until the fight is out of me.  Now I'm just waiting for my little sister to graduate.  For my apartment lease to end and deuces! on that note, I am proud of my little sister.  She will be graduating from high school in the next month, with no need for summer school or extra schooling like my brother and I. She has a good head on her shoulders, even if sometimes she stresses me out to no end.  She knows what she wants to do in the short term, go to college, get a certificate in cosmetology so that she can pay for her own schooling and get a degree in Music.  She knows what she wants in life.  And thats more than her two older brothers knew when graduation time came.  To be honest, I still dont know what I want out of this life.  I'm just going along until I find something worth sticking around for.  girlfriends don't last (i Know thats mainly my fault), I always feel coped up and start to hate my jobs (that just me getting bored) and I hate the city.  so i must go.  But this time I feel nervous about it. I am starting to think about all the things that can happen and what i might be doing to mess up.  But I guess thats good cause before it was just throw caution into the wind and go and I royally screwed up then.  Its good that I feel this way.  And I also know now not to give up.  I can't just go a couple of days then quit cause its hard. I'm giving up too much to do that.  I will have to push myself. I will have to dig deep once again as i did in the military and drive on.  Its going to be a tough long road, but then again, no road to victory is short and easy!